Lesson 30 - Stand up for what you believe in.

Speak up. Stand up.

Looking at things on a large scale can be pretty intimidating if you want to help change the world and make things better. Believe it or not though, you can make a difference. But you won't do it by sitting pretty and watching the world pass you by. If you don't like something, do your part to change it. Venting and complaining to people in your circle (or on the internet) can make you feel better temporarily, but it won't do a thing in the long term. Take action. Do your part. 

"The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything." - Albert Einstein

Lesson 29 - Never change who you are for someone else.

Again, this is me. Take it or leave it. If you don't like it, you can move along.

Never change who you are fundamentally for another person. Don't conform to your idea of what it is that you think someone else wants. Just be you. If you do try to change for someone, and they leave you... you will be left confused because you have lost sight of yourself.

You should never be with someone who wants you to change anyway. The best person for you will love you for who you already are.

Lesson 28 - Good work ethic.

This ties in with speaking with conviction. Your work ethic speaks volumes about your character. In life, your reputation as a hard worker is invaluable.

Success is built on relationships. If you are personable, trustworthy, and motivated... you'll be unstoppable. Being likable isn't enough, you should be willing to work twice as hard as everyone else.

Lesson 27 - Speak with conviction.

If you say you're gonna do something, you better fucking do it. Follow through. Your word is one of the most valuable possessions in this life and it's also one of the most fragile. Protect it by backing up what you say with what you do.

Remember that trust is an easy thing to ruin, and a very difficult thing to repair. Also, no one wants to be a shit-talker, so don't make that your rep.

Lesson 26 - People will leave you.

People will come and go in your life. Some by choice, others by chance. People will make you fall in love with them, and then they will leave you. The ones that matter won't. Those who choose to leave, let them go.

Lesson 25 - Be compassionate. Be aware.

You never know what people bring to the moment they are in. Be aware of this at all times.

Also, when people come to you for comfort or issues that they need help with, don't make it about you. Listen. Actively listen. You can go back to doing you in a moment, but while they need you, do your best to actually be there... for them.

Lesson 24 - Fairy tales are for the birds.

I hate to break it to you ladies but Prince Charming is not coming to sweep you off your feet, so let that go. Life doesn't work that way. Love doesn't work that way. Sure it can come swiftly and when you least expect it but, more often than not, if it does happen that way... it fizzles just as fast. Love isn't something to be rushed anyway. It deserves time and effort. Nurture it, take your time, and enjoy the journey.

As women, we are raised to think that being swept off our feet by an 'ideal' man and getting married is the ultimate goal. We are taught that without that outcome, and usually by a certain age, we have somehow failed. Its funny how difficult that domesticated mindset is to break, even when we are fully aware of it's existence.

Lesson 23 - Always look at the bigger picture.


Nowadays if you are living in the moment, you are way behind. Stay ahead of the game. Time only moves faster and faster as we get older. Make every decision with the future (and the bigger picture) in mind.

I'm working on this, I'm really bad at it. There's still a little too much carpe in my diem.

Lesson 22 - You deserve nothing less than truly reciprocal love.

I believe this one speaks for itself.

Lesson 21 - Always make time for your passion.

"Do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life." - Someone who was able to land their dream job.

While it's true, it's also something that the few people who were actually lucky enough to have made their passion into a successful career say. Let's get real; that doesn't happen for everyone. Most people in this world are not able to live their dream. If everyone were able to do what they really wanted to do successfully, no one would be cleaning up shit from the toilets in public restrooms or flipping burgers at McDonald's for eight bucks an hour. Unless of course that was their dream... which I'm pretty sure it wasn't.

People have to live, they have to feed their families, they have to do what they have to do to survive. We can't all be Jay Z and Beyonce living the fucking dream. For the rest of us, it's still important to practice our passion and scratch that itch, even if we can't make a living off of it. Personally, I think this is key in finding fulfillment. If you're an artist but don't want to struggle from shitty paycheck to shitty paycheck for an attempt to make it big, it's okay. IT IS OKAY to get a steady job and do your art on the side. It doesn't mean you are any less talented or passionate about your art than the guy who won the passion lottery and made it big. It's just your choice. No one should judge you for that. I think it's admirable.

I'm not saying people shouldn't go after their dreams. But if you're pushing 35, you don't have a car, and can barely pay your rent every month... then maybe go in the direction of stability a little and do that dream on the side. Still do it though. Always make time for it. (Just maybe on the side)

Lesson 20 - Depression happens.

You will be depressed from time to time, it's natural. And no you don't automatically need to go pay someone to prescribe you meds for it.

No matter how fulfilled your life seems, you will feel cheated out of certain things. It's okay. Allow yourself to feel this way, and then get back to being grateful for what you do have.

Lesson 19 - Read. A lot.

Knowledge is power. Be a sponge and soak that shit up.

Educate yourself, not just on things you already like or understand. Make sure to step out of your comfort zone and learn something new. When you do this, you aren't just helping yourself... you are helping the world.

Lesson 18 - Do it for yourself.

Some of your most important accomplishments in life will go unwitnessed. Your audience in life is you. Be your own biggest cheerleader. Take time out to be proud of yourself.  Its nice to have the support of others but you won't always have that so don't let that stop you.

Don't do it for the approval of others, do it for you.

Lesson 17 - You don't have to like me.

I'm a caring person, and I'm a giver... but I'm not a people-pleaser by nature. Maybe it's my Jersey roots, my Italian heritage, I really don't know but I'm not the type to bend over backwards just to prove my worth to anyone. The older I get, the more I realize that not everyone has to like you. Not everyone will. In fact, a lot of people won't and most times there won't even be a reason for it, and that's okay.

Recently, a friendship of mine went sour. I took a moment to look back on our relationship and remembered all of the complaints the person had about my personality traits and how often they misunderstood me. I came to the realization that, really, at the end of the day... they just didn't like me. That's okay, you don't have to, and I don't have to like you. Just because we went to the same school, or share a lot of the same friends, doesn't mean we have to be besties, braid each others hair and share milkshakes on a Friday night. There are enough people in the world that you should never have to work so hard at making something work with one specific person if you don't think it's worth it.

This is me, take it or leave it. If you don't like it... kick rocks.

Lesson 16 - The weight of trust.

Trust is absolutely essential for a healthy relationship. Once trust is gone, it's actually easier to just move the fuck on and start new with someone else. But on the contrary; as long as there is still trust, there is hope.

My thing is, once I get to know a person, I will trust them until they give me a reason not to. It's only fair and goes back to the importance of starting with a clean slate. But if that trust gets broken, it's a wrap.

Lesson 15 - Speak your mind.

Never assume people know how you feel. Don't expect people to be able to read your mind. When you care about someone, tell them. When something is bothering you, speak up. Why waste time being misunderstood?

Note: Be open and honest in life, but try to do it without being a jerk. Being 'real' has become somewhat of a novelty these days and I find that people take it to the extreme for the sake of entertainment and the attention they get from it. Giving your opinion is okay, especially when asked, just don't be a bully or an asshole about it. Do it with class.

Lesson 14 - Empathy.

I get this from my Mother. It's her greatest gift to me.

The ability to empathize with others is crucial to doing our part to make the world a better place. Imagine how different things would be if everyone could master this and see past their own biases and inherent selfishness.

Lesson 13 - Don't blame the next person for what the last person did.

I've been on both sides of this. I've been the blamer, and I have been the blamed. When you start a new relationship or friendship, it should always begin as a clean slate. Its a blank page in a new chapter.

It's not fair to the new person in your life to carry the fear or pain from someone who hurt you in the past. They are not the same. Not everyone will hurt you like the others did. If you go into something assuming you know how it will play out, you are only hurting yourself in the end by not giving it a fair chance. Who knows, it could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. Even if it's not, it's something you can learn and grow from.

Lesson 12 - Be willing to work hard for what you want.

If you aren't, then you don't want it bad enough. You may as well give up and go try something else, something easy that requires no skill. Keep in mind, payscales reflect skill level.

Nothing frustrates me more than people who expect success to be handed to them, or wait for it to simply fall in their lap. I see this ALL the time living in Los Angeles, it seems to be the epicenter of this kind of delusion. It's great to make sacrifices and chase your dreams, but don't forget that its a CHASE. It's not a 'let me place myself somewhere geographically specific to the industry I want to be in and then all my greatest desires will happen by the grace of God', it doesn't work that way. You have to put in work.

Lesson 11 - Don't worry, be happy!

Try not to waste your time being neurotic. Don't sweat the small stuff.

I am an extremely laid-back chick, at times even to a fault. I didn't even realize I was that way until I started paying more attention to how people around me acted. People who are neurotic stand out to me, and not in a good way. We all have our moments. Sometimes I over-analyze situations that I shouldn't be giving too much thought or energy to myself, but I try to keep that to a minimum. The older I get the better I get at not caring. The older you get, the less fucks you give... which is a truly liberating feeling.

Lesson 10 - Bullshit detecting.

I'm a level 5000 bullshit detector. This didn't happen overnight. It took time, it took practice, it took finesse... but it's an invaluable skill. Unfortunately though, to be really good at this means you have to have been lied to. A lot.

When you have it mastered, you will realize that not all bullshit needs to be addressed. At this point in my life, I feel that the better route is typically to take what you've learned about the person who is attempting to scam you, and walk away. You don't even need to let them know that you know, the important thing is you have the information you need. Just leave it be. Go ahead and let them think they got away with it, who cares. Save yourself the trouble and the extra drama of unnecessary confrontation. Giving a bullshitter the chance to argue is just giving them another chance to bullshit you. Don't bother.

Lesson 9 - How to change a tire.

Seriously, it's more important than you might think. I learned when I was in my freshmen year of college, and at this point (10 years and about 10 tire changes later) I am an EXPERT at it.

Let's just say, hypothetically, that you have used up your 4 times per year AAA road-side assistance allotment ... and you get a flat. At about 2am. In an area known as Rampart, in Los Angeles. Well honey, you're gonna wish you knew how to change a tire in that situation. Learn.

Note: It also helps avoid the awkward position you are put in after you get help from a stranger who changes it for you, and then they text you photos of their penis a few days later. You don't want that.